not being perfect but showing up anyway

hello !

i always feel like when i create a blog post, it has to be perfect. which is so silly of me because it’s really just a bit of me in text form. but in my head i’ve built it up so that it has to be a big thing that’s good enough, but nothing ever seems to be. so then i keep putting it off. and then here we are, barely posting any blogs.

but i don’t really want to do that.

i was writing a brain dump to do list a couple days ago, to try and empty out my mind a little bit (doing this really helps me feel less overwhelmed !) and one of the things i found myself jotting down was to show up to my blog. so here we are !

i’m trying to teach myself that it is completely okay to show up even when it’s not perfect.

even when i don’t feel like i have any life changing advice to share or give.

but just come as i am, show up as me.

i think that’s something God’s been trying to get into me for quite some time now for just all things in general. even my relationship with Him - not waiting until i’ve got it together to focus on my faith, but actually have my faith come first even when i’m a bit of a mess, or imperfect. cause when we wait to be perfect, all we’re gonna do is wait ! because we’re not gonna reach perfection, and you know what that’s okay.

so do i feel completely confident in what i’m typing right now? no, no i do not. but that’s okay.

it’s Thursday night as i’m writing this out, and i’ve actually had a pretty joyful week so far, which i’m super grateful for.

honestly, when i look back at this year so far, i feel like i do just have so much to be thankful for. which is almost funny, because i think it is so easy for me to be a bit in my head. i have lots of low days, and lots of moments where i let doubt seep in. and i’ve spent many of days feeling like i’m failing at everything i’m doing.

but then when you step out of that for a second, and you actually see the good things that are happening and that you’re doing, i don’t know it’s just made me realise that i’m actually doing alright.

i don’t want to see myself as someone who’s failing. sometimes that can be easy to do. and i really don’t want you to see yourself like that either.

i thought it could be nice for myself to write out a few different things that i’m proud of myself for or that are going / have gone well.

and i encourage you to do the same. just remember, that there’s nothing on this list of ours that can be too silly or too little. everything matters, and that includes the small stuff.

so even though i’m not perfect:

i’m proud of myself for how consistently i’ve been uploading youtube videos recently. i’ve genuinely tried to upload videos consistently on youtube for i don’t even know how long, but i’ve just never got it. and i’m sure i’m not going to be able to keep this consistency up forever and that’s okay, but i have been doing it recently. and that seriously makes me so happy! i’ve posted 5 youtube videos in March and that is actually crazy for me. so i’m proud of myself for that.

another thing i’m proud of myself for is i’ve been reading. that’s it. i’ve actually been reading!!! i’ve set myself reading goals before but i’ve just never actually been one to read lots of books. i know i tried last year, but picking up a book hasn’t really been something that’s come naturally to me over other things (like watching gilmore girls - which i’m still doing heaps by the way). but this year i set a goal to read 10 books. and it is now march and i’m officially up to my 9th book of the year!!!! that. is. wild. i can find it super difficult to be proud of myself for things and different goals, but this one. oh my goodness, i’m so happy with myself!!!

i finished my course ! i’ve been studying a certificate for a bit over a year and half, and i finished it!! the course was only meant to take about a year, so i genuinely lived in so much shame for how long it was taking me if anyone ever brought it up. but sometimes life just got in the way and my course took the back burner :( but now it's done!! i have my certificate ! i even printed it off and framed it so it’s sitting on the top of my cabinet. and although i do feel a bit of guilt still that it took me longer than it was meant to, it’s done ! and that is a relieving feeling.

this week i’ve been a lot better at not scrolling on my phone as much. small win, but still a win ! i’ve been getting into a good rhythm with my happy girl walks (for the most part, today’s weather was not good though), and journaling and reading, instead of scrolling. which just makes me feel so much better ! i even printed off a little habit tracker template from canva to try and keep myself on track with some habits like this, it's only been a couple days of using it, but so far it's fun!

i’ve started to find more of a balance with what i’m doing. i just relaunched The Christian Girl Group on Monday, and so this week i’ve kind of been working on that, but also Just Joy and keeping up with my own personal justjessicalilly posting and i’m honestly just having so fun working on all these things. like i’m actually doing the things i’ve been praying about. and even though there’s a lot to be done, and i’m not really where i want to be with these things yet. i’m still just enjoying getting things done and working on all these things. i’m just really thankful. something i wrote in my journal at the start of the year is that i’m going to work harder than anything to make as many people happy as i possibly can. and at the end of the day, that’s just what i’m doing my very best to do. do i feel like i’m doing that well yet? not quite, but i’m also just trying to take it one day at a time ! but i can say that it had been very fun working on all of these things.

so am i perfect? nope.

am i doing things perfectly? not at all.

but is that okay? yes. sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but it is okay.

and this blog is certainly not perfect. and i still don’t quite know how i want to show up. but i’m here ! i’m trying ! and i'm going to keep trying.

so that’s a start.

i hope you don’t worry about being perfect today. i hope you find a few things to be proud of yourself for today. just know i’m proud of you.

and thank you so much truly, for being here even when i’m not perfect.

it means so much to me.

jess <3